A new start!!!

So, I did really well for almost two weeks working out every day and then holidays and bla bla bla...needless to say I haven't been to the gym until today. However I'm not gonna beat myself up because of mistakes. My friend Emily taught me that and that's how she really changed according to her account, because she just kept going despite all mistakes. That's what I'm doing,it's a new year,new day and new start every time. I make the choice of improving and loving myself.

I FEEL AWESOME, I went to the gym and did an interval elliptical training for 1 hour, and I didn't even feel it. My goal for the new year though is to exercise in the mornings. Not so early that is going to make me hate exercising, but early enough so my husband can stay with the kids and I can start the day with lots of energy.

M, W and F- I will be going to the gym at 8-hubby has class at 10:15am

T and Th- I will be hitting the gym either at 7 or at night, I can't quite decide. What do u guys think??

The reason I don't like exercising at night very much is because I get too energetic and also because GOING is harder. I'm so tired by the end of the day, especially when my baby has been fussy and needs to be held all day :) (like today...)

But I went and I feel really good. I need a work out that makes me HURT(a good hurt, I enjoy hurting the day after cuz it tells me I worked hard),so I'm following a basic training from phit-and-phat blog, here's the link: http://phit-n-phat.typepad.com/phitnphatcom/basic-beginner-training.html. Let's see if it works...if I don't hurt, I'm changing it. I'm also adding the jumping jacks in between my sets for fat burning purposes and I hope it makes me tired and happy :D

By the way, last post I was at 223 instead of 221 and now i'm at 220 lbs, 40 lbs until my goal weight. Also to make me more motivated to work out, I have asked my hubby to give me a dog once I reach the 40 lb mark. He could not believe I would be motivated by a dog, but he was kind enough to allow a dog in our home. So I think he really is the best hubby ever: supportive, kind, fun,handsome and many other adjectives that make him the person he is. I'm a lucky girl :D

I learned today something that I probably knew inside of me but never had the AHA moment. It was through Emily's blog again (can you tell she is a huge inspiration to me ;) ). She said that she would just wish and wait for change like it would happen, but she did nothing about it, and that's exactly where I kinda am right now. I want and wish for change, but am too lazy to do anything sometimes. So I feel more empowered now that I realized that.

I know that the first 2 weeks are going to be tough until I get into the habit of exercising, but I KNOW it will be worth it. I watched the biggest loser yesterday and I wanted to cry I had to hold myself several times and leave the living room a couple more. I think people that never had to deal with their weights (I'm not talking about 2-3 pounds. I'm talking weight that makes u extremely unconfortable and has been there forever) will ever ever ever ever understand how emotional losing weight can be, how mentally challenging and what a soft spot it is. I wanted to cry hearing their stories because even thought I'm not morbidly obese I am WAY overweight- even though I still believe I carry it "well" (denial???) I can totally relate to the sadness, shame and humiliation it means to their lives. I think sometimes I embarrass my husband because I'm overweight- I still think that and still wish I was skinny so people didn't see that he was married to a fatty. So their struggles became my struggles and if you really want to see me mad is to make fun of someone in that program, because I FEEL their pain. They are totally putting themselves out there with almost no clothes on (come ooooon little shorts and a top?). They are giving everything!!!!!!!!!! Do you think it's easy for them to have hanging bellies and stand there to be weighed in front of two amazingly beautiful/handsome personal trainers + millions of americans? I don't know which one is harder to have America see their bodies as they are, or to work their butts off during the week. It's deeper and more painful than anyone who has never struggled with it can imagine (DON'T tell me I'm being dramatic and I'm not that bad because when I look at my pictures what I see is different from what I see in front of the mirror-denial?distortion???)

I'm there, it's painful and it hurts and it's hard to write the things that I'm writing. However, I'm doing it and I'm doing something about it too. Slow and steady change is what I'm going for. Here's to my big friends from Biggest loser and their courage, and also my courage to put it all out there. It's liberating really. I feel like I'm already getting lighter. :)

So here is to continuous change to a new me :)

Barb

PS: I am taking before and after pictures, but I'm posting them as I lose a little more weight, because I'm too embarrassed right now to show any pictures of me (and by the way, I won't show my head, even though a lot of you know exactly how I look like :) it still makes it more humiliating to me)

PS2: Another goal that I have is to be able to go thru the "Insanity" work out by Shawn after I have lost some weight (I know I can't physically do it right now). Look it up if you've never seen in before. I'm psyched about it!!!!!!!!!!