Hit a plateau

So it's been long and I meant to write here....I did mental posts as I ran the past few weeks. hahahaha

Now I am starting on week 8 of couch to 5K (consider a couple of weeks off with illnesses) and I can run for 25 minutes straight!!! So I thought I owned the world and I decided to further my training and move from treadmill to outdoor. BOY was I disapointed...and devastated. I live in a HUGE city with lots of irregular streets, ups and downs and just awful awful pavement to run in. I couldn't run for 10 minutes straight! I was so ashamed!!!!
TMI* but my underwear kept moving up my but and I felt SO uncomfortable passing people by and imagining that they were looking at my huge butt moving up and down....then I kept thinking that I was running to slow.....then I kept thinking people noticed how the fat girl couldn't run to and entire 10 minutes without walking and looking really red.....and so the self consciousness got the best of me and I headed home and completed 18 minutes of running/walking outside. (I think it was more, because the podcast kept restarting as I kept hitting the songs as I ran and had to readjust it to go back to my podcast).
I FEEL SO SELF CONSCIOUS NOW!!!! I don't even want to try to run outside anymore. My dad keeps telling me that if I want to run the Sao Silvestre I had to build endurance and I can't if I am only running 3 times a week. Then he tells me I have to run outside and I physically can't...so I just want to curl up and cry....as I think that all I have done was really for nothing.....because I can only run 25 minutes in a treadmill....and that will definitely not be the case for the 15K coming up December 31st.
I AM ASHAMED!!! and I am still fat!!!!

Going to weight watchers I have lost so far 6 kgs.

Well....that was the case until today. Where I learned that I went to 6 to 4kg. I don't know what happened and how I got the weight on. (if I stop to analyze it I should know! right???not couting my points will take me to "great" places)What I do know is that it's messing with my brain....and let me tell you, the hardest thing to change when losing weight is a fat girl's mind set.

I will do a better post on how I am feeling emotionally, but I just wanted to jot down how disapointed and low I am right now....I am sure this will help in the future.

I have had MANY ups and downs....and I have learned how to love exercising. That is a HUGE HUGE HUGE step. I have been consistent to 5 months now with my exercise routine (and that has NEVER happened before) , I just can't seem to commit on changing what I eat .
I have to give myself SOME credit right???the exercise is down....now onto to eating habits....or should I say #stuffingchocolateupmyface#....  :(

until next time....
cheers....