My decision to blog came from courageous people that inspired me to do something about my desire to change. The desire is to change my body.
Since I was a little girl I was made fun of how big I was by the other kids,it really makes me upset to just think about it. I think I never mentioned this to anyone but my husband. So I grew up to be an outgoing, fun and bubbly person around others. I was always fun and had many friends, but never really allowed people to make fun of me. I was always the one to make fun of myself first in order to show how in control of the situation I was. It worked, I think people thought I never had a problem with my weight. Being originally from Brazil you are just too weird not to think about your weight and your body,especially when all your friends go through great lengths to keep their skinny selfs in shape. Still I always struggled with my shape. I learned we are supposed to love ourselves for who we are and that we have a divine nature and that we are all different. That was enough to force myself to accept and love who I was, but really...I don't think I ever LOVED who I was...I was in complete denial. Thinking I loved good, because I am a good looking gal but seeing pictures of me on camera made me want to cry. How could I have gotten to that point??
So this is my effort to recognize myself again and to be the person I've always wanted to be and struggle to believe I can be. This is going to be me now. Blogging my ideas, my fears, my struggles. The candid truth. The bad and the ugly. I hope I can handle all this truths without crying like a baby meanwhile.
Today was my second day at the gym. I have been a chubby active person all my life and after my two kids I became a chubby sedentary person. I am committing myself to change now and I need help :) anyone out there is more than welcome to throw some encouraging words...if they are not encouraging keep them to yourself. I am not here to hear criticism of anyone other than myself.
I worked out for 50 minutes,doing and interval at the elliptical machine. My legs feel good and they are hurting a bit, that's how I like it....a little pain to know I'm doing something after all. :)
My goal is to reach 180 pounds and see how I look from there and decide if I want to lose more. I've never been that weight so I have no idea what I will look like and I have no aspiration of being a size 0.
Actual weight: 221 pounds. (7 pounds lighter than last week because of a stomach flu)
More to come...here is to change...
cheers
