Hit a plateau

So it's been long and I meant to write here....I did mental posts as I ran the past few weeks. hahahaha

Now I am starting on week 8 of couch to 5K (consider a couple of weeks off with illnesses) and I can run for 25 minutes straight!!! So I thought I owned the world and I decided to further my training and move from treadmill to outdoor. BOY was I disapointed...and devastated. I live in a HUGE city with lots of irregular streets, ups and downs and just awful awful pavement to run in. I couldn't run for 10 minutes straight! I was so ashamed!!!!
TMI* but my underwear kept moving up my but and I felt SO uncomfortable passing people by and imagining that they were looking at my huge butt moving up and down....then I kept thinking that I was running to slow.....then I kept thinking people noticed how the fat girl couldn't run to and entire 10 minutes without walking and looking really red.....and so the self consciousness got the best of me and I headed home and completed 18 minutes of running/walking outside. (I think it was more, because the podcast kept restarting as I kept hitting the songs as I ran and had to readjust it to go back to my podcast).
I FEEL SO SELF CONSCIOUS NOW!!!! I don't even want to try to run outside anymore. My dad keeps telling me that if I want to run the Sao Silvestre I had to build endurance and I can't if I am only running 3 times a week. Then he tells me I have to run outside and I physically can't...so I just want to curl up and cry....as I think that all I have done was really for nothing.....because I can only run 25 minutes in a treadmill....and that will definitely not be the case for the 15K coming up December 31st.
I AM ASHAMED!!! and I am still fat!!!!

Going to weight watchers I have lost so far 6 kgs.

Well....that was the case until today. Where I learned that I went to 6 to 4kg. I don't know what happened and how I got the weight on. (if I stop to analyze it I should know! right???not couting my points will take me to "great" places)What I do know is that it's messing with my brain....and let me tell you, the hardest thing to change when losing weight is a fat girl's mind set.

I will do a better post on how I am feeling emotionally, but I just wanted to jot down how disapointed and low I am right now....I am sure this will help in the future.

I have had MANY ups and downs....and I have learned how to love exercising. That is a HUGE HUGE HUGE step. I have been consistent to 5 months now with my exercise routine (and that has NEVER happened before) , I just can't seem to commit on changing what I eat .
I have to give myself SOME credit right???the exercise is down....now onto to eating habits....or should I say #stuffingchocolateupmyface#....  :(

until next time....
cheers....

When people laugh at you....you keep going!!!!

Still strong with my exercise routine. I have been listening to a podcast called "couch to 5K" from NHS and I guess it hasn't been that difficult because when I started to follow their routine I had been exercising for a couple of months already. It's awesome because it will take you from running 60 seconds at a time (something I very much struggled with 3 months ago) to 30 minutes of running straight! :) SO EXCITED. So far I'm on week 2. Running 90 seconds and resting 2 minutes. I feel energized and could almost feel the endorphins pumping in my veins when I am done.

Last week I wasn't able to make it to the WW meeting, so I have no idea how my weight is going. But today there's another weigh in. I am nervous. Easter has come and gone and we sure ate a ton of chocolate....less than I have eaten in the past, but still....lots of chocolate....and then there's guilt involved too :)  I just have to remember it's a process and I'm not always gonna be perfect. I strive for perfection but I'm not always there.

I will let you know how it was later on....

I just wanted to reinforce my commitment here to run the Sao Silvestre. Yesterday I mentioned to my family (grandma, great aunt and cousin) that I would run the SS and they LAUGUED AT ME! I was SO upset....at that moment I (re) made a commitment within myself that I would run this stupid race even if I still weigh as much as I do right now. I'm sure I won't be the same size by the last day of this year. I am hoping to be 30 kg lighter, but no matter what happens, if I have to crawl or walk I WILL RUN AND FINISH THE SAO SILVESTRE :) They have NO idea how their laughter made me upset, but it even gave me strength to keep going. I can do this!!!!!!

Victory...

So I started weight watchers....and I should have recorded before that on my first week I lost 2,2 Kg. I was so proud of myself. I even had a wedding and a party that I went to and that didn't keep me from my weight loss. :)))

Losing weight is a continuous battle. Talk about a pep talk every time you are going to put something inside of your mouth: is this worth it? remember to chew 30 times, I want to eat more of it, you can't eat more, one will satisfy you, did I gain any weight? I need to control myself.....

Those are some of the thoughts that go thru my mind....

Today I went for my second weigh in. I lost 500 gr. I was a bit disappointed but the hubby is trying to help me keep my perpective. Last week he had me hold 2 kg of flour so I could have an idea of how much I lost. Today he made me hold a pack of lasagna. It was only 500 gr...but that was something. That is about 5 sticks of butter in the USA.

I could have done better. But chocolate got the best of me. I opened up the chocolate package that I am going to make for Easter and got a piece of it one day and another piece the next. I need to make that chocolate this week. The girls are gonna love it. :)

This week's goal: 1 kg

I told the hubby that when I am 10 kg lighter I am sure I'm gonna be feeling so much better. First of all to be off the triple digits, and second of all because I already feel much more energized and beautiful with almost 3 kg less than what I started with!!!

I have exercised every day of the week so far. I will have to make an extra effort to exercise tomorrow because my parents are gonne be busy and my mom is the one who watches the girls so I can exercise. She will be off and my dad has to work earlier, so I don't know how I am gonna do with the girls and their swimming lessons. But I will make the time. 1 hour of running and walking (30 minutes of each taking turns) is my goal!

I am also joining ZUMBA. I found out it's affordable!!! So I am taking the opportunity to add some fun to my routine. I have decided that I will go to the gym 3 times a week and will do Zumba twice a week (instead of swimming). I need to train for the 15K I am running december 31st, so I need the gym at least 3 times a week for weight lifting and cardio. I am sad to let swimming go for now....but Zumba is so much fun and I can't wait to just shake off my stress during my classes. I have done it twice already and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I feel embarrassed when I see myself dancing and shaking in front of so many people, but I have to let go and focus on losing weight...I focus on the calories I am losing and the fun I have. So I end up sweating bullets and coming out with a HUGE smile at the end of the class. I too have good coordination, so I am a cute chubby girl dancing in class. :) lol

I noticed that I also have a hard time moving as fast as I want to because I am 30 kg over weight. I think about the flour package my husband showed me. I have 30 of those around my body. It's pretty amazing how much I let myself go. I envision my life being a lot easier once I get rid of those kgs! But I never give up during class. I always keep up with the teacher because I don't want to be the chubby one that couldn't keep up....however I feel the pain of those that can't....I think being over weight can be embarrassing in so many ways....my heart goes out to people that are battling in this huge war!

KEEP IT STRONG!!!!

Monday on a funk....

Today there was no work out. I had so much to do at home!!!too many clothes to wash and iron and the house looked disgusting.....but I found that if I don't work out I move slower and have less energy during the day...interesting huh??I would say even incredible!

Today I was in such a funk it was hard to keep myself from over eating. I am having a hard time knowing how to count the points on my normal food: rice and beans, meat....let's say I'm having chilli (homemade). How do I count the points exactly??

So I ate lots of fruits (the good part) and 2 pieces of brownie: I feel terrible!!!

The problem with emotional eaters like me is that when I hit a funk all I do is eat all day long. And let's face it, fighting with the husband, kids out of control, messy house... I could keep going about things that put me on a funk.....
I tried drinking lots of water. I have to say it wasn't bad today despite the brownies. Two months ago I would have shoved half of the pan down my throat. Today after I ate the second piece I cut up all the rest and gave it to my girls....no more brownie making in this house unless people take it home with them.....I have to say I was ticked about being on weight watchers and counting points. I feel very restrained. Food has always been a pleasure to me. I am hoping not to spoil it and learn how to eat less but still enjoy all different food groups.

I also thought about how much effort one needs to put into preparing healthy food. Now on a WW I am constantly thinking about how to improve recipes and how to eat lesser points during the day. I guess I will get used to it at some point?

I didn't eat all the points I should have and that is not good either. Off to eat a cucumber salad now...

I'm back!!!!

So it's been a couple of years....and even though it's supposed to be shameful I am now back. And there's no shame in renewing a commitment right?
This time around I have been exercising for about two months straight. I FEEL GREAT. I have also had a baby 3 months ago and a natural birth totally changed my view about my body. I had a natural birth before, but this last time was even more life altering. I have a renewed respect for my body and what it can do and how strong it is. I love myself and I know I can do anything.
Even though I am still fat my body already feels so much stronger.

I have been having a hard time controlling my nutrition. Intake of sweets has been a pain. I'm an emotional eater. So I have lost about 2 pounds only.
I have been working on my mind this past two months and coming to the mind state that I need to make healthier choices. I already eat well, enjoy salads and veggies ( I always enjoyed those) etc. But as I said before I overdo on carbs. (isn't that everyone's problem as well?)

Now I am ready. Really ready. Today I an joining weight watchers. It's a big commitment because I hate counting points and calories. But if I want to be healthy something's has got to give right??? I will be listening to my body now and really trying to slow down.
I am making a commitment to think twice and to become a healthier person this year of 2012.

I also have a goal. I will be running a 10K in august AND the "Sao Silvestre" December 31st in the city of Sao Paulo. I am SO excited!!!!

This will be a diary of my struggles and thoughts throughout my process of losing weight.


cheers